Connecting Without Talking
Hello! My name is Zenethia and I am an adoptive mom to the most amazing 13 year old, Emma. Emma was first placed in care at 1.5 years old. She suffered quite a bit of trauma. She spent approximately 6 years in two other kinship placements before coming to us one month before her 7th birthday.
I have found a lot of our connecting and bonding takes place when we aren't talking to each other. The one ritual we have is "concert time". Concert time is just Emma and I singing our hearts out on the way to school in the morning. I didn't initially realize how much of our connecting was happening during this time. We do not usually talk very much or even discuss the song to play. She usually picks our first song and we just start singing. We've both learned a lot of new music this way, which has been great for her memory and recall, but it has also enables us to attend one concert as a family and one as a "mother-daughter date" as Em likes to call them. It's so fun and truly does reduce my stress and anxieties too!
Another no talking bonding routine we have is on Saturday mornings. My husband leaves for work around 7:30. Emma sets her alarm for 7:30. She gets out of her bed to get into my bed and go back to sleep. We do not cuddle or speak at all. She doesn't wake me up. She just goes to sleep. When we both finally wake up, we eat leftovers on my bed and watch the show "Elle". I really do have 1,087 tasks needing done and I really do not have the time to stay in bed until 11, BUT what I do have time for is the love, connecting, and bonding that happens while we are together, silently.