I sometimes find it difficult to talk to my friends and family about my parenting struggles. It seems to be hard for some of them to understand that behavior isn't black and white and that all children can't be patented the same way. Does anyone else feel this way?

Hello! My name is Zenethia and I am an adoptive mom to the most amazing 13 year old, Emma. Emma was first placed in care at 1.5 years old. She suffered quite a bit of trauma. She spent approximately 6 years in two other kinship placements before coming to us one month before her 7th birthday.

I have found a lot of our connecting and bonding takes place when we aren't talking to each other. The one ritual we have is "concert time". Concert time is just Emma and I singing our hearts out on the way to school in the morning. I didn't initially realize how much of our connecting was happening during this time. We do not usually talk very much or even discuss the song to play. She usually picks our first song and we just start singing. We've both learned a lot of new music this…

Children who have experienced trauma may have learned that relationships are unpredictable, adults may not always be safe or available, and they may need to rely heavily on themselves to get their needs met.

Trauma can affect children's behavior, learning, relationships, emotional regulation, and sense of safety. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network emphasizes that trauma-informed care involves recognizing the impact of traumatic stress and creating environments that promote safety, collaboration, recovery, and resilience.

That makes the cooperative structure of games especially interesting. The players are not opponents. There is no child who is “bad at the game.” No child has to defeat another child.

Instead:

“We are on the same team.”

• collaboration